I've crossed paths with a surprising number of people who just don't believe that their kids and grandkids are all that interested in hearing their life stories. But ironically enough, I've yet to meet someone who isn't curious about an older relative's personal history. It's just that, given the hectic nature of 21st-century living, they haven't found the time or opportunity to start the conversation.
A Matter of Bad Timing
As I often say, it's just a matter of bad timing. When we're young and our parents and grandparents are sharp and eager to share their experiences with us, our lives are extraordinarily busy … with school and friends, followed by work and families of our own. Time just keeps ticking by, and we hardly even notice it.
Until our lives begin to slow down with kids leaving home or careers hitting a nice, comfortable plateau … and then we have a million questions that we'd like to ask. But many of us end up missing our opportunity, as our parents' or grandparents' health fails or memory begins to slip.
I meet people every day who regret not taking the time to engage their relative in meaningful, exploratory conversation about their lives when the opportunity existed.
How to Make it Happen
Aside from initiating a professional personal-history project, just how do you find the time and space to connect with your loved one in a real way? Here are a few ideas:
A Matter of Bad Timing
As I often say, it's just a matter of bad timing. When we're young and our parents and grandparents are sharp and eager to share their experiences with us, our lives are extraordinarily busy … with school and friends, followed by work and families of our own. Time just keeps ticking by, and we hardly even notice it.
Until our lives begin to slow down with kids leaving home or careers hitting a nice, comfortable plateau … and then we have a million questions that we'd like to ask. But many of us end up missing our opportunity, as our parents' or grandparents' health fails or memory begins to slip.
I meet people every day who regret not taking the time to engage their relative in meaningful, exploratory conversation about their lives when the opportunity existed.
How to Make it Happen
Aside from initiating a professional personal-history project, just how do you find the time and space to connect with your loved one in a real way? Here are a few ideas:
- Make a date. If it's on your calendar (just like your hair appointment or son's soccer game), then you'll probably make it happen. Going out to breakfast or lunch once a month, for example, is a great tradition to start. You'll both look forward to it, and it will give you time to connect outside of the hustle-and-bustle of holidays and special occasions.
- Break out the photo albums. The next time you visit an older relative, sift through old photo albums together. Images really help to spark long-forgotten memories about life events and special people. You might even consider sitting down with your relative and creating a chronology of old photos, complete with short descriptions that only he/she can provide.
- Invite them to come along! Sometimes, we just can't fit one more thing into your schedule. So find something on your calendar that could include a guest, and ask your loved one to come along. Even if it's just a drive to the airport or a ballet rehearsal, you'll be amazed at what great conversation can take place when you're simply in one another's company.
- Pick up the phone and call. There are always times during the day when a quick phone call is possible - when you're making dinner, cleaning the house, or waiting in the doctor's office. These frequent, short conversations will make it easier for your loved one to share when you have a chance to visit in person.
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